I’m just me, and the more I get to know me as Vicky, the introvert, the more I appreciate and commend Vicky, the mom, on an awesome job raising her kids! It all goes back to fostering meaningful relationships. I have friends who say that they miss being with other adults after a … You become easily overwhelmed. I find it unstimulating and incredibly boring. The struggles that INTP parents deal with often have to do with interruptions, chaos, and noise. I want to know YOU. It is something that you must try your hardest to keep at bay because things start to unravel around you if you don’t. My kids are my pride and joy and when they have functions or sporting events at school, you can be assured that I will show up. I’ll admit, I’m not very good at making small talk. When he was younger it was difficult to provide him with what he needed all of the time but as he grew older, became independent, and learned to drive, the burden was lifted somewhat. Don’t get me wrong, the struggles of being an introverted mom are still there but now I have a better understanding of who I am and why I react differently to others around me in similar situations. It’s in my nature, I’m an introvert. It makes them uncomfortable and seems to provide them with no benefit. What did our friends/Relatives do to our character? SHARE. Why is it so difficult to make friends? I know who I am, I know what I believe in and I acknowledge that I am not perfect. What this means for the introvert is that they become fatigued and overwhelmed and when the next day comes, things seem way more difficult to do than they really are. Not me, definitely not me. Befriend another introvert parent. Your thoughts, your emotions, and your whole being are now shared facets of your existence, and that in itself can be overwhelming. It is so important to avoid this at all costs, as it can be detrimental to you and how you perceive yourself. Remember when I said that I’ve got a lot going on in my tiny head? I may have all the right intentions but if we don’t click and I feel like it’s taking too much out of me to foster the relationship, I’m done. And let’s face it, some people just want friends that they can have fun with, but for us introverts, having a friend digs past any of that superficiality. While I love being alone, I don’t like feeling lonely. When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side? You feel like everything you say must be invaluable and perfect. You can also help each other take turns watching the kids while giving the other some recharge time. We get exhausted, and unlike our extrovert counterparts who can simply go out with friends for a drink and feel invigorated, we need our solitude, desperately. While we’re delighted for … We are always searching for that special someone that just gets us and accepts us for who we are. I sound like an awful person, but I promise you that I’m slightly likable. My childhood and young adult life were pretty “normal” and I didn’t seem to exhibit the characteristics of an introvert during those years, at least I don’t think so. Who knows, that introvert over there sitting quietly by herself could be your next BFF! All of a sudden, I wasn’t needed to take them places. I have always been considered myself as an introvert and have always been fairly comfortable with it, but when I chose to marry and extrovert that’s when things got interesting. Finding a fellow introvert will give you the chance to talk about your parenting struggles with someone who feels the same way. Very invigorating!!! I just deal with them more effectively now, or at least I try! If you’re an introvert mum like me…or a mum who sometimes finds it tough, know that you’re not alone. You may or may not know this, but I am actually an introverted dad. To complicate things further, it’s possible for some children to be introverted and to struggle with shyness at the same time. I won’t even try to get out of it! The Joys & Struggles Of Raising Children More Social Than You. All people have both introvert and extrovert tendencies when it comes to different situations, but most people are inherently either on one side or the other. Why do social events drain me? Would you befriend someone that you thought was unfriendly? I believe that because of this gift I am less impulsive and better equipped to make decisions. – know about introverts in india. Nobody does. We feel guilty if one of our kids is extroverted. As an introvert, trying to get out of things can lead to self-shaming. It’s tough being an introvert, and things get even harder when you become a mom. Introverts can struggle with the expectations of parenthood when they seem to go against their own basic needs as a person. I may never see you again, but I want to gain something of substance from our encounter. What’s hard for us introverts is reaching out and asking for help. I love talking to people, but it takes time and energy to build a rock-solid friendship, at least for me, and it can be a little exhausting. I love you all, I love me! You don’t raise your hand in class or … They occupy your kids (blessing), but there … Unfortunately, a mom’s work is never done, and some days it may be impossible to get some time to yourself. The struggle of an introvert mum… Parenting when you’re an introvert can be a real emotional rollercoaster. Many steps are taken before my thoughts get converted to words and much energy is spent to align those thoughts and ideas with the appropriate tone and emotion that would make conversations pleasant AND useful. By the time I’m through doing that though, I’m exhausted! The truth is, for us introverts, clicking with someone is one thing, but then comes letting them into your world that you have so closely guarded your whole life. Yep, there’s guilt here too. At first, I was convinced that it was just a matter of adjusting to my changing reality but when I found myself still struggling with the same issues years after the move, and years after my children were born, I knew I needed to dig deeper to find some answers. He desires social interaction as much as I crave my solitude. Not only can my son do the driving but I am not placed in situations that push me way out of my comfort zone. Well, being an introvert and a blogger makes for a bit of an interesting combination. As a result, I try to put my very strong feelings on small talk aside and go with the flow, in the hope that it will eventually lead to deeper conversations. Sometimes it feels almost like a curse to be as introspective as I am but believe me, it truly is a gift, and I accept it with open arms. Help a girl out, will you? Some of the best moments of my life are spent alone. It’s really simple, Have you told your Friends That you are an Introvert? Umm, yes it can, but nobody needs to know that right? 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If you're an introvert and the parent of a small human, it can be very freeing to realize that maybe it's not just that you "don't like the baby stage." Social engagements can be exhausting for you, You make plans but try to get out of them, You cringe when your child gets invited to a birthday party, You cringe when parent volunteers are needed, You have difficulty making connections or friendships, You end up feeling alone and disconnected, You can’t always get the alone time that you need, You struggle to parent your extroverted child. The parents of introverts often worry that the amount of time their child spends alone signifies poor mental health. Most people would see this as an opportunity to meet new people. In my heart, when I make plans, I have the best of intentions, I really do. This piggy-backs off the last point. I berate myself for making plans in the first place and I bestow importance on the silliest of things that would give me an out. I just need this time alone to recharge and rejuvenate my being. The Struggle Of The Introverted Mother. Other kids in your house are both a blessing and a curse. My Day Was Awful. Again, I’ll do it if I have to, but rest assured that I’ll be trying to get out of it! Instead, guilt may be the biggest struggle. It may not have been … The social setting is just hard for me and quite exhausting, bear with me. However, these issues, as difficult as they may be, often aren’t the most pressing for … The struggles of being an introvert and parent & other randomness I am always examining the experiences I have in my life, before they happen, during the actual event, and after. They can just seem like too much of a good thing, especially for more introverted parents [emphasis added]. I love getting together with people on occasion but I prefer when the gathering is small and not too long. Glad that this strangeness I feel is more common than not. While the extrovert thrives in this particular setting, we, the introverts find ourselves drained and all pooped-out way before things start winding down. Starting a conversation is hard. They force introverted kids to socialize more. I don’t really miss other adults. Being self-aware means being completely in tune with who you are as an individual. It ended a vicious cycle of self-deprecation and I was able to start accepting me for who I am. I love me too! Fortunately, this usually isn’t the case. Here’s to finding others like us out there! 8. Your environment also plays a role in how you turn out. We do live in somewhat different realities, and my struggles to tend to the needs of my extrovert child still exist but because of his age and maturity, we have reached a compromise that is palatable to us both. There is no shame in that. Nailed it! My whole perspective changed when I realized that I was an introverted mom. National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research: Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture? I want my time spent with you to be worthwhile for the two of us, and I want to walk away with a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that we didn’t waste each other’s time and energy. I assure you that I am neither of those things! In fact, there are a significant number of struggles of an introvert mom raising an extrovert kid — including having to put myself out there into the … Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. The Struggles of the Introverted Mum. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This will allow you to begin the day slowly and quietly. Being an introvert is a good thing Maybe it's just that being with people 24 hours a day -- even the wonderful little beings you created -- is difficult and draining. The great thing about this is that as an introvert, you are very self-aware and can identify your limitations. Being an introvert mom is exhausting because someone always needs you and there's no quiet but you are strong because you're a mother. For him, it’s all about his friends and engaging in multiple activities. Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth), Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground. I can choose to read a book, fiddle around on my phone, clean something, do laundry or even do nothing at all, that’s my call to make and I NEED these moments of solitude like I need air to breathe. If you've met me in person, that may come as a surprise to you because I'm not shy - I'm introverted. This often happens to us introverts because we are misjudged and not given a fair chance at forging relationships. ... Introverts Struggle. Self-awareness can unfortunately come at a price. Extroverted parents do this because they think, “It’s so … It’s when that email shows up in my inbox, requesting a sign-up to volunteer, is when I cringe a little. Instead, spending time alone is actually part of how introverts protect and rejuvenate their psyche. It all comes down to this, don’t judge and form opinions of people until you’ve given them the light of day. To my dear friends reading this, you are loved and appreciated. Every parent wants their kids to be Always No 1(This is India). 7. All of the activities of the day such as work, appointments, and phone calls take a toll on us as they require interaction after interaction. ESTPs like to be in charge of their own schedule and the adjustment of conforming to a routine and the “daily grind” of parenting can be rough for them at times. Unfortunately, a mom’s work is never done, and some days it may be impossible to get some time to yourself. Being lonely means that you don’t have anyone in your corner, cheering you on, and accepting you for the beautiful, incredible individual that you are. I get mentally depleted with multiple interactions. Does that mean we are not having fun? The way an introvert's brain works best goes directly against “good" parenting and culture. To the extrovert, it can seem like a futile task to go through so much effort, after all, their words just seem to effortlessly roll off their tongue; but to the introvert, it is not only a necessary evil but it is also INCREDIBLY important. For the introvert, alone time is not only desired, but it is required for rejuvenation. So I whipped up a PDF: 12 tips for introverted parents, from introverted parents. As an introverted parent, you may struggle to model healthy socialization when your tendency is to avoid certain social activities like large gatherings or parties. I love spending time with my husband and kids but I have to tell you, if I happen to get a few hours to myself, I feel like I’m holding a VIP pass to the best party in town! I value all of the human connections I have, I really do, but you’d never know that if you were a fly on the wall watching me trying to find any excuse in the book to get out of meeting up with people. I on the other hand, absolutely LOVE alone time, and as an introvert, let me say, I THRIVE on it. You are an awesome rare breed. When are we, as parents… I recently asked our community to share the first tip you’d give to a parent who has just discovered the connection between her introversion and her struggles as a parent. There are no absolutes for me. February 2, 2015 Updated November 16, 2018. Resist the impulse to … Introverts may struggle with many aspects of the above skills. Wake up an hour earlier. I am often just wind wondering why there is this disconnect between me and the outside world. I LOATHE small talk. Bullies. They like having their own space and counting on quiet time every day. 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By nature, introverted people need more time to recharge. I’ve Had Better. by Toni Hammer. Why do I prefer to sit alone in my car at soccer games instead of hanging out with the other moms? Children by nature are often noisy and this can feel jarring when they are lost in thought. A parent will want to help a shy child, but support an introverted child. As an introverted teen, you’ve likely experienced some kind of bullying. I examine my faults, and even if those are hard to own up to at times, I am aware of their existence and the unique ways that they affect my being. Here is to all the wonderful introverted moms’. It’s for my kids and I think they know that mommy will show up to cheer them on any day. My kids are 16 and 17 now and so they pretty much do things without me. I noticed big changes when I migrated to the USA and when I became a mom. Do it! Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time. The real struggle of being both an introvert and an extrovert that I find to be true for myself is the uncertainty of how you are going to feel in the future. I get incredibly excited, and for a long time, I thought that I just didn’t like having people around. Like, can’t the laundry wait till tomorrow? Fast forward to my current state of blissful motherhood and nothing has changed. When I Stopped Being Afraid To Make Mistakes, I Started To Live A Better Life. Look for activities that encourage drama. Yes, there's a difference. Even I wouldn’t. I never realized why I couldn’t wait for my kids to get older until they did. He finds it difficult to comprehend how anyone would WANT to be alone or do things alone. Not too long ago, I woke up one day and decided I was going to be attentive to, and present with, my kids the whole day. I started my first blog back in 2007. I was interested in every toy they brought over to show me. I get to do whatever I want in solitude and it gives me the nourishment that I need. Not at all! Introversion isn’t synonymous with being anti-social. No surprise—y’all delivered! Thinking back on my life, I realized that at any given time, I only had a few solid friendships and I was completely okay with that. You brought tears to my eyes! Fun? As one would expect, children take after their parents. All Rights Reserved. Not so with introverts who just have quieter interests than their more extraverted peers. That’s not to say that we can’t have fun but we crave meaningful relationships with the people we spend our time with. Please don’t take it personally when I don’t make myself available, I am just an introvert doing what she does best. Expected to be comfortable with making small talk. I don’t want to talk about the weather because frankly, it tells me nothing about you. Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position? When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat? They tend to take in more environmental cues and thus need silence and solitude to process it or else they become overwhelmed or spent. 13 Important Things Every Mother Needs To Know, 6 Important Questions You MUST Ask Before Getting A Dog, How To Effectively Relieve Stress From Now on, My Feel-Good List Of 80s Songs, They Make My Heart Happy, 6 Important People To Think Of This Christmas, Practical Struggles Of The Introvert Mom In Today’s World, How Nearly Dying At 16 Changed My Life Forever. I stumbled across an interesting book by Susan Cain titled Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. This is a great article, I find myself trying to check off boxes to see if I am an introvert! It is imperative that you know your limits and capabilities and that you MAKE time for yourself. When I came to the realization that I was in fact an introvert, I was able to start accepting myself for who I was. I’m all for it, but you can bet your bottom dollar that before the night is over, I’ll be earnestly craving my alone time. You turn out the other some recharge time of freedom and control in the back of the best moments my! Know your limits and capabilities and that you are as an introvert kid as one would,..., it ’ s work is never done, and as an introvert remain,. An interesting combination & struggles of being an introvert mum like me…or a mum sometimes! And solitude to process it or else they become overwhelmed, especially for more parents. Seems to provide them with No benefit in from a distance process it or else they become overwhelmed especially! To pick one characteristic that singled me out as an introvert 's brain best... 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